You Should Have Always Been My Friend, Not My Lover

It makes me sick to think about it.

We spent so many nights awake,
crying together about nonesense.
These were cautious emotional times
That coursed us into grave action.

We used to hold each other
As tight as we could ever handle.
Now I hold somebody else,
and you have slipped away.

We no longer talk for hours
Because there is no need for that.
Instead you call and hang elsewhere,
leaving me in the cruel dust.

We could confide in our heads,
Make love with our hurt hearts
And you throw all of this away,
as if it were just that simple.

We wasted months on whatever
This was that hovered between.
Unable to work out our differences,
we parted for all the better of us.

We cried, screamed and kicked,
Not exactly happy with The End,
but we are better now apart
Than we were ever before, as one.

We have made a better future,
from a charred up, scarred past.
So why can’t you and I find
the time to keep a friendship?

We could move mountains,
shine brightly upon the darkness.
We could be the best of mates,
if you would take this friendly gesture.

We could have everything we need
But you runaway rashly,
just like the Madman you are.
You are too blinded by yourself.

We now love separate souls,
and this does not hurt me at all.
I enjoy this life I live today,
and the fact that it is not you I kiss.

Still…

We should talk once again,
about nonsensical ideas and events.
But apparantly it hurts you too much,
to let go and just be my friend.

It makes me fucking sick, to think about all of this.

These Storms

I thought of you as the rain fell tonight,
the streetlights gleamed in through windows
as we drove down a familiar road.
Droplets creased on the ridges of my face
and hid the tears I held back with bite,
My make-up smudged into pale skin.
With the rain, however, I am not sad
because it reminds me of you for now,
It reminds me that you think of what I am.
You will still find me beautiful like this -
soaked and isolated, alone and lost -
and whenever I come home, you’ll be there.
It’s assurances like you, all of these people,
that I can keep a smile on my mind.
Weaving in and out of this existance I ponder;
when will the suffering of those I love end?
When will the tears stop falling with this rain?
The storm blows itself over and I find my way home,
and there all of you are sitting and embracing me.
Now I know that wherever I may be,
love is a constant, undying concept
That you will always bring to me.

Winds of Strength

We walk down paved streets of fallen leaves,
autumnal colors of vibrant orange arouse us.
There is a wind that pushes past our scarves
And caresses our goosebumped skin, numbing,
but we walk on with our hands clasped tightly.

How many sleepy nights were spent grinning,
smiling at prospects of dreams coming true?
It is in those nights and weary eyed mornings
That foolhardy happiness can be achieved,
All through the power of being oneself, whole.

The same wind that surges against our stride,
can take any glass moment of beauty and shatter it.
Never will I, or should anybody, be able to handle
Watching the one they love the most die
In total pain, their fears arise in the darkness.

So when the time comes, if it ever does,
when the wind decides to betray what is here (what is precious),
Then know that I will do anything to stop it.
There will be no place or time within any reality
Where I will be able to watch the life slip from those brown eyes.

The world and the people in it are all to important to lose,
but I would turn a cold eye if that meant keeping your smile.
To wake a sleeping man you have to prod lightly,
tread gently against his tired features itched in
And once he wakes, you restrain and contentment comes.

I will fight for the right of Life.

I Miss You, But Not Too Much

I really do not know why;
and I can’t keep up the lie
Of not wanting to try,
to reach out and grab that guy,
The one that took away to fly
far from the place I soar high,
now most of what I want is to try,
take your orders and defy,
rip your wings from the sky,
To bring you back into my eye,
keep you close and sing, ‘oh my!
how I love you when you’re close by,
and how I laugh at you when you imply,
That there are better places that supply
the feelings that we now so rely’.
I really do not know why
but I know I cannot lie,
and say I want to say goodbye.

I don’t know why I’m so blue;
because the warmth that was you,
has left me sitting saying adieu,
Waiting for a look at the old view
of before we turned everything askew.
Can’t recall all we’ve been through,
but I know it’s more than a few,
So I ask myself a question for two,
‘In times that seem so construe,
why was what we had so taboo -
happiness so hard to pursue,
And our love too complex to subdue,
Why couldn’t we just stay true?’
Instead our love that is now overdue,
will never make its great grand debut.
I don’t know why I’m so blue,
but I know from my heart’s tattoo
that it’s got something to do with you.

Now that I am equally paired
I feel no need to have this compared,
to a time before that needed repaired
By two unwilling and two impaired.
Thankfully we were certainly spared,
as our love in the past stands declared,
but the time that is now bared
Will be of anew kind of moments shared.
We went too hard and with too flared,
our heads were not cleared or prepared,
but we still leaped like nobody else dared.
Now that I am equally paired,
my smiles feel slightly aired
as we kiss, love and upon the time we ensnared.

The Traveller

The trees are blessing grounds,
leaning wayward branches down
forward through our sounds -
of pleas to get out of this town.

Shade falls in black stripes
that cover our lies tonight,
As we squander through types
that will lead us to the bright;

Passageways open suddenly
And we tumble down them,
caressing the slight of to Be.
We will be left to condemn.

I feel my body now numb,
lost within a tumult of itself.
To the winds I now succumb,
with or without yourself.

Catapult me through this plane
And I promise not to come back,
and I pray to keep this sane
But it is patience that I lack.

Of Nowhere, Everyplace and Here

I watch the sunrise sinking
and think to myself, of all the possibilities
of all the choices within us,
What was it that pushed me here?

What was it, this here place?
It was an Everyplace,
one would find their comforts and pains
located scratched within here.

What was in here, what still is -
darker colors bursting through lighter ones,
Your feet traipsing my wooden floor
out into the garden where I lay

Beneath a starred sky, we knew
that someday we would get up there,
somehow.
Here was where were we in this moment,
in this Everymoment we can’t force out of.

To fate we need accept, flow with tides
that will take us faraway from here.
For what are we in this here, this now?
Uncategorized musical chords,
strummed out on an untuned guitar
(with three strings).

It was here that I was this
nothing that dipped within itself.
It was here that I could not grasp
the concepts that those others had.
Accept, I wave with it all
for my eyes are those ocean seas.

Unable to function against a wall
its in this garden I am stuck,
unreleased for the time being;
We sit in wonder at the skies above.
Is it ever thought about that perhaps
I am happy because I know,
I know this can’t be changed?

Yes, those are cries of joy you hear
but is there not an uncovered desire
in those gray orbs of thrashing seas?
Still asking oneself,
What was it? What was it?

Welcome to Yourself

I’m blazing along on this strange, open road of prosperous interactions and awkward experiments. Thrown into a mix of laughter and blood, there is quite honestly no time to stop and question the actions that one conjures up to commit. If you ever pause for too long of a time, you will have noticed that nearly everything has slipped between your fingers including the swiftly moving wind of happiness painted in derailed lines. Don’t take this life for granted in thought that maybe your next rebirth you will have a stronger society, a more capable self, because for all you know you may not be priveleged a next life at all – or all 9 of yours have been used throughout these dazed years. Remember to learn not from lessons but from glimpses into mistakes, and do not forget to make further mistakes in separate perspectives as to continuously educate oneself until the greatest knowledge of purity can be reached.

We are all beautiful and have the potential of beings the Gods of this universe…we just have to pull ourselves together, fear not of what is to come, love eternally and forgive everlastingly to those who have the gentlest, kindest of touches to our hearts; humanity is not lost, yet.

Family Ties

What is family . . .

The thickness that pumps
rushing through serrated veins,
energizing this vessel?

The friends we hug
or let ourselves lean on,
holding up a fragile heart?

The baby that one carries
and the children created,
begging for your attention?

The husband at your side
through years of neutrality,
loving you till certain ends?

The voice inside your head
constantly speaking outward,
accompanying you daily?

What is family,
if not just that
which we hold dear to us.
The flutters of
a wounded heart
are propelled by this ‘family’.

It is whichever, whomever, we love.

The Flood, It Comes

In your fingertips
I find a sweet indulgence,
perspiration transferred moments
That reap out sensational nonsense.

In your arms
I find safety, security,
a feeling unknown to these winds
But welcomed more than ever.

In your eyes
I find jaded happiness,
twisted mingles of smiles
And a joy of staring back.

In your heart
I find undiluted desire,
a pull toward this being
That hastens the heat in my veins.

In your mind
I find unresolved freedom,
the contemplative states of many
Soon to discover more thoroughly.

In your soul
I find the most important light,
a gleaming of purity and beauty
A sight not befit for eyes,
so instead I look onto with my own soul.

With intuition I reach inward,
grasping at this presence of You
and wanting to become more apart of it.
So you have let me in,
time falls apart at its seams,
Dreams dance as lurid fire blazes through this capsule,
and thanks for the invitation inside.

In your soul,
I find a sliver of difference,
another existence new to here…
and now I know it is my soul,
the place in which its touched upon your Earth,
eroded a nice little nestling spot,
and my waters have filled the hole with exuberance.
I flow freely into you now and forever,
whether we are near or far there will always be
a pool of me inside the deepest parts of you.

Conscious Separation and Enlightenment

Cascading through like waters that brush themselves down a tanned back; freckles mark the days that ones mind seems unable to reassess. As a human race we are thwarted for that non-conceptual entity that which is time and when pleasures are given do you not wish to just stop it? Some say that the difference between the human race and the rest of the universes living organisms is that we have the largest conscious mind, which does not automatically give us the right to believe we are stronger in some way – smarter, if you will, for it is only true if we come to completely master this said consciousness, an ongoing struggle. I can see that difference though, lying beneath breathless moments where your hair twines with mine as our naked limbs are stretched outward; I hear your words gently press into my mind and they create an immediate reaction of blissfulness and that giddy emotion takes over. I can see the difference in how it is we can love one another, how we caress fingertips-to-skin. I can see the difference in our elapsed conversations where language fails us and I strive to flow my thoughts and ideas into your head, my essence paws at the entrance of a weakened wall begging to be let in so that further understanding can take place. I can see the difference in small interactions with strangers, the politeness through gritted teeth. I can see the difference when I become lost in a separate realm as tapped water cleanses my body for hours whereas others will never know the privilege of society and its class system. Then it comes down to the true question; would one want to give up those precious moments for a more sensible, primal and instinctive existence? Once we have tasted the freshness and overall freedom of being bound by a concept like time it is truly difficult to be able to lose ourselves in the midst of nature once again to come one with this relative collectiveness which is the multi-verse.

So it remains as such; how to have that fresh taste still on the tips of our tongues whilst not being restricted by that fellow called Time? Perhaps it is a question that will fuel an undoubted journey upwards, outwards, skywards and forwards through a rippling life of constant positivity. I have faith and confidence that I will find a place where this can be achieved; struggling through the winters but feeling its worth once the sun beats again, cuts and bruises proudly marched as a representation of the Hunter, a shelter befitting for comfortable survival and possible abandonment. To travel, learn the ways of every plain and organism so that coming one with whats surrounding is simpler. Strangers faces will float in and out of life with the exception of a small group of hanger-ons, but the periods of meditation grow larger as our minds crave the understanding of what it is we are and why it is we are. But a fear leaps into my throat that pauses all these plans and takes away the driving exhilaration, the fear that I will have to go out there alone. For solitude is necessary but to live ones life as a Drifter with no other drifting counterpart makes up for a tortured soul that questions itself too much. So till this Drifter finds another one (more likely till the offer is accepted), this one shall be tethered to a place of struggling self awareness.