Shuffle…

I know all these troubles, all these names and faces

but how many of those problems would help me now?

It is as if I am a train, a whore that gets you where you need to go

The steam inside of this whore seems to be running out – thinning at last.

I feel that this poor, tragic person is the only one to blame.

“What moves the world?”

Metal, gold and paper with ridiculous values

Who do you want to save your soul?

My tongue feels fattened by these lies

My heart feels rather bruised

Everyone you have ever met has made you yourself.

Too bad they are all hypocrites

BLASPHEMY!!

You look at me and call me a sinner?

Well sit the fuck down because

I will no longer allow you

to us this. Use me.

Everything I’ve done

Everything I’ve experienced.

All these things cannot save me

Save me from you and any salvationg.

These are songs of death, dying and the dead.

This is what human greatness is. HA!

I’m not nothing.

I’m less than that to you.

  I am no one.

         Going nowhere.

                  And I’m now here! (Kjeld)

This is who I chose to be, vastly going nowhere.

I don’t care and you can’t understand.

“You disappoint me” – Don’t play dead.

We are essentially The Essentials of Objectivism.

We are all probably better off this way

For an odd reason you can’t look into my eyes anymore and say you love me.

I ran into some stairs the other day

there you were beneath them

you held them up on your back

Fodder back to you as I tread on you.

We fuck stars and crash cars

Stop worrying about it

-They’re rich and won’t have diseases

It’s Do or Die in this world, anyway,

So now I’ll never stop doing

-It’s all I do baby.

I wish I was afraid of suicide.

Stories of Success – just bury me now!

You look at ME and tell me I’ve yet to

ACCOMPLISH something in these 17 years

“I want to tie you, crucify you”

We have only one world to get this right on

Due to our excessive HATE

we have unleashed so much pain

So much dark and evil is on our sholders

Ahhh these abstractions feel so good most of the time.

-It is all in your head baby,

let it roll through your mind

off your chest and into this strange distopia.

It’s like a broken line of skin

A circle with and end

Some great dream too faraway

A man with no conscience

A child with no innocence.

 

I feel you going into me;

Restlessly I search for your eyes

So I can know you need me

But you don’t, it is I

That needs this constant touch

 

The bottle rapes my lips

My throat is burning in disgust

‘Pass the dutchie on the left hand side’

Our laughter shrieks up the night

These roughed up hands upon the drums

 

We rest our backs on dewy grass

Bodies entwined, half naked and exhausted;

From the dancing of the day

And the thrill-seeking night

All left behind us in another typical memory.

 

Some nights we find our eyes drifting

Onto a light in a different direction

Yet we never end up going towards it.

It is because of who we are,

what we are meant to do.

 

We are scavengers

No brain but all heart and soul

we are revolutionists, not extremists

together we stand with our hair let down low

We are the wanderers

-wondering and pondering this world for the answers behind our unknown questions.

Meadow of Prosperity

I look up and there is a smile of ecstacy that greets me

The sun crashes through the leaves in streams, burning a fire behind you

Those eyes of molten chocolate seem open to a whole new world

- a world I want to be in -

A certain purple flower begins to become so surreal to me

my soul is escaping my skin

A light fickers in your hand and the leaves burn some more

then comes The Rush. A feeling so unreal as it fills up my lungs

the rest of the world seems to become nothing – we are everything and everything is us.

In this meadow where we can stay forever

unchanging and forget about our unavoidable responsibilities.

The small churps of weed on the man’s pants in front of me fall

they fall to the ground as we stand.

Here I Go Again.

A sensation so endearing flows into me, so damned familiar

Music pounds my ears and urgers my feet to dance upon the natural world

my body sways with the wind as I look at you and you at me

it’s just us, peace my child…

Let nature become our music as our shoes and clothes lay abandoned

hold me close and tumble with me, breath in this clean air as we lay beneath these painted clouds

the universe is a canvas and we are two strokes from the brush -

without those strokes this world would be incomplete.

So let it all in now, just live it and let your thoughts drift away.

Butterflies glide about us as I chase you down the hills – needing the euphoric feel of your warm touch

It all just seems so UNREAL

*But I know as your hand grasps mine that I am here as are you, as is the world – waiting for us – this is all quite real.

Downer Patrol

You ask me why I find myself ugly – why I beat myself up, and this is why;;

Look up these following words; beautiful, sexy, hot, attractive, etc. Will you be able to find anybody that looks remotely like me in all of those search results? The obvious answer is no.

Look up these words next; cute, adorable, childlike, etc. You will find pictures of people that resemble me. Why do I have to be known as a child…

Look at me and feel a beastial lust for me, an uncontrollable need for my body. You can’t do it. Nobody can. Want me without me needing to do anything….

To Conquer

I Came, I Saw, I Conquered – Julius Caesar.

In this life of nothing, where I sway from side to side forever I have finally found someone that may not stand by my side and see me through to the end of my days but in the deepest parts of my mind I hope he does. You and I can do so much together, we can put a large hope into world peace – number 48 on my top 50 things to do before I die. For a bonus, my 51st thing to do was accomplished, as was my first. All thanks to you.

(Written at Centauri): 51-To tell him how I feel. 1-To fall/Stay In Love.

Heaven is in your hands, as blunt as I seem it is so. The rain always reminds me of you because of the first day I met you. The heavy downpour washed away my sorrows with your smile – smitten right away, I was. The puddles beneath my feet felt like waves of hope for me. I forgot all of my real life and entered into what reality is NOW I walked right out of the past into the curtain of the present – or ‘the future past’ as I like to call it.

These words aren’t making much sense. This is a jumbled thought. Thoughts, rather. Two-three weeks left of this glorious, confusing, summer and then only ten more months after that will I return to this blissfulness. Yet, I know for a fact we will not just walk away from each other. Even if I was taken from your arms for years at a time I will still be settled into your heart. “When you think you’re free, that crack inside your fucking heart is me”. It will always be like that, I will always be there – remember that. If not physically, here I stand mentally and emotionally for you with all my parts open for you to see. This is who I am, for you. For me. For the world.

Whenever you miss me goto the window and look out at the nature around you – yes, even the urban nature counts. Do this and hopefully you will feel me as I feel you when I view these things through my eyes. Sooner than we think we will be able to be together for as long as we would like. Days, weeks, months, however long you wish for me to stay. I would shatter my plans for you – but I don’t want to, I just want to add something to my plans.

You make this broken soul feel so beautiful, this swollen heart feel real and this pale skin feel more alive than ever. You are nothing like my Lestat…You are my Louis. My morbid thinker, my disillusioned writer, my confused poet, my revolutionist, my saviour that needs saving, my obsession, my addiction, my hippie reborn, my indie stoner. If you let you be mine. I can be everything for you.

I have never normally written about my feelings this much, about a guy this much. Wow – I am truly getting pathetic.

Well, My Personal Madman…If you let us, we can conquer the world.

My Only Dream

The wind passed by me – no, through me. Yes, I felt it, the cold chills racing in between the pores on my skin so pale yet taught. My legs were stiff, but still I ran as it felt like my heart was being wrenched and my hands were tied behind my back, tied like the tightness inside of my lungs that disabled my breathing abilities almost completely. A knife was stung into my back, it burned and seared through me and every time I opened my mouth to cry out no sounds came to me. This knife construed in me pulsed so much blood out, it slid down my body like water down the basin of a waterfall. All I knew was pain, it was the worst I had ever felt and I didn’t know what to do besides to keep running. So I ran.

Then came the point where I knew I could not turn back – the point where all I knew was foreward despair and so I fell. There was a hole where I fell down and I thought it would never end – but wait, was I really falling? A hand gripped mine so tightly and pulled me back to my feet. My legs slowly unstiffened themselves as my weary eyes found what they needed and my heart was released, the pain slowly eased. Two long tentacles flew around me, telling me that it’s okay. I felt the knife fall down and clatter to the floor, a distant pang off in the distance no longer distracted me. And then once all of my pain was released in these arms, I bleed once more. This time I bleed for you, and as it courses through my veins and down my body you catch this blood and make it into your own. There we stand – forever in time, frozen as it were.

This was my only dream.