Unfinished Rantings of Hell
UNFINISHED DUE TO COMPUTER SHUTTING DOWN AND THEN ME LOSING FEELING FOR THIS ONE….WHICH IS THE ORIGINAL OF THE ONE BELOW. WHICH IS WHY THEY HAVE SIMILAR PARTS TO THEM.
Your anger hit my like a brick,
I was left teetering on this edge
(remember the one I asked you to put me on?)
Too late, too long ago in a different place.
Left alone with battered lungs of dust,
How many more times can I lie to myself?
How many more nights can I pretend-
that these weren’t tears that stained my cheeks?
Hearing a tremble on the other end of this line,
you are regretting me and I am regretting me too.
Forgetting months passed like the seasons with them
Do you really think you can run that far and not fall down?
i will pull apart these structures,
shove them right back in your face
grieve until you notice me
Notice that I too am crippled from myself,
the harm just wasn’t done to you.
Life gets a little hard, how many times
have I said that one to you?
Instead of giving up and acting like a martyr,
why not help me off my feet so I can help you?
Distant hopes of future seem to shatter.
world slips around me and leaves me nude,
what is left is nothing I have ever experienced before.
My greatest fear is suddenly becoming truth.
It is all just because you do not feel like dealing,
with what you say is me and this harsh wind
Really are you that blind? open up your molten eyes,
the ones I have stared into so many times for hope.
It is everything, it is the world falling apart,
piece-by-piece it was neither you nor I
so to deal with it we can do it together.
No more raindrops will proceed through this door,
I will launch myself into attack and forget myself again.
Forget I exist, this happiness is but a feeble falsity.
My dust has been placed on the shelf, not guitars,
(their strings rusted off and fell to your bedroom floor-
the floor I gave myself up upon many times)
sweet kisses, touches left alone, whispers of promises…
You won’t find that anywhere else, undesirable.
Where will I find silence and solitude if not here?
oh, but life has plans for you and me together,
not apart which you seem so keen to place.
dances like fairies crippled wings float by my eyes,
you know the ones you cannot look into anymore,
We used to crash like dirt upon ocean seas.
Nothing is left of me anymore.
late nights of masquerades, sentences I string up no sense.
Substances forget my fragile state of mind,
friendships pass like fares to see you faraway
Of an abusive guardian, of rape, of blood, of unjustness,
these are the things I think about at night
(the ones that keep me up crying for all that time)
A Day in the Life of a Sociopath 