A Woe of Want

It’s so funny how you can be so happy, in bliss, and then suddenly it all drops away.
It really lets you know how fickle emotions of the human being really are.

I’ve wanted you for so long, and now I know you never thought anything of me until after you had me. I thought at least maybe I was something to you. Something. Now I’ve been dropped lower than nothing.
You were attracted to the dark-eyed beauties, the typical brunettes with their sly smiles and toned skin. The ones I knew were all lies – because they told me so, in laughter. I would scowl in return. You liked the ones who spread themselves around.
I was a louder one, one who was never afraid to say what she wanted. A fair-skinned, sunlit hair, grey-eyed rarity. But my uniqueness did not matter. My ambition, drive, or intellect meant nothing. I was nothing to you before I shared your bed. Then you found out you enjoyed sharing my bed – I was experienced.

So what am I supposed to believe? You never were interested before you felt inside.

I close my eyes and let tears fall since my blood won’t run (I don’t know why, but my thighs are too thickened by muscle and my arms cannot bear anymore scars without disapproving questions). It is in these times where I now know that I was never what you wanted, only what you could have.

I would fucking give anything to have been something even slightly more. To be somebody deemed at least cool, at least interesting, at least slightly attractive. Something more than nothing. Something fucking more.

I would give anything to be her.

Sunspotted Romance

Rain pattered down my front,
This did not really matter,
His letter was tucked away-
-safe from the water drops.

Spent horus placing hearts,
everything done perfectly;
My pulse flushed by nerves,
What will he say?

Leaning on his bed,
Guitar strummed in my hand;
Words of praise fall forth,
Those lips dripped in his name.

Twiddling my thumbs outside,
The winter nips at my face;
Waiting for him to come here,
A surprise visit for two.

Pictures sketched slowly,
Hours spent practicing;
Just to see him smile,
Here his loving thanks.

Instead I lay forgotten,
Everything wasted now;
He grunted and walked away,
All my efforts dead.

I sit and hope,
Maybe he will care;
Maybe I’ll get a return,
Maybe he’ll sweep me.

I will wait forever,
For him to sweep me up;
Dote on my with love,
Maybe just one rose.

Maybe, just maybe…