I Miss You, But Not Too Much

I really do not know why;
and I can’t keep up the lie
Of not wanting to try,
to reach out and grab that guy,
The one that took away to fly
far from the place I soar high,
now most of what I want is to try,
take your orders and defy,
rip your wings from the sky,
To bring you back into my eye,
keep you close and sing, ‘oh my!
how I love you when you’re close by,
and how I laugh at you when you imply,
That there are better places that supply
the feelings that we now so rely’.
I really do not know why
but I know I cannot lie,
and say I want to say goodbye.

I don’t know why I’m so blue;
because the warmth that was you,
has left me sitting saying adieu,
Waiting for a look at the old view
of before we turned everything askew.
Can’t recall all we’ve been through,
but I know it’s more than a few,
So I ask myself a question for two,
‘In times that seem so construe,
why was what we had so taboo –
happiness so hard to pursue,
And our love too complex to subdue,
Why couldn’t we just stay true?’
Instead our love that is now overdue,
will never make its great grand debut.
I don’t know why I’m so blue,
but I know from my heart’s tattoo
that it’s got something to do with you.

Now that I am equally paired
I feel no need to have this compared,
to a time before that needed repaired
By two unwilling and two impaired.
Thankfully we were certainly spared,
as our love in the past stands declared,
but the time that is now bared
Will be of anew kind of moments shared.
We went too hard and with too flared,
our heads were not cleared or prepared,
but we still leaped like nobody else dared.
Now that I am equally paired,
my smiles feel slightly aired
as we kiss, love and upon the time we ensnared.

The You In Me

The drones of this routine life
causes me to revert to thoughts;
of your arms holding me close,
Chocolate eyes that say more
than any words, any lyric
any action.

So I try my hardest now,
to think of what life was before you,
but I cannot recall it at all
It seems like a distant, empty past.
My purpose is in tuned and tied
to you.

I close my eyes to dream
of the future for myself,
but there is nothing there if you’re not.
My hand presses onto the paper,
still all my ideas are of
your influence.

There are these dreams that I keep,
a hope that dwells;
Of a garden, picket fences
and rounded bellies with your hand on top…
Then I feel childish and stupid,
for wanting us forever.

Waiting Is Hard, Fucking Takes So Long

So ironic…
I hate myself because I hurt you,
the only one I really love.
Through mistakes and jumbles
you get caught somewhere in between –
I wish I could take it all back.

I love myself because you taught me
that I deserved to be loved.
I find all that I needed between us,
and now my own stupidity might take that away –
I find serenity, happiness, and peace
then started a war without looking.

I hate you because I sit here
in deep anticipation for our day to come,
Sleeping holding your shirt,
singing to myself pretending its you.
I hate you because I love you so much
that it hurts unbearably when I’ve hurt you.

I love you because you’re Noah Page,
your sweet kisses trail a hot map on my soul
as you awaken parts of me I did not know I had.
All things happen for a reason,
and there was a reason why you sat with me –
why we read the exact same books
And the reason was because fate…
knew that we’d fall in love,
it knew that you were my Ying and I was your Yang.

The waiting to here your voice again,
to know if you still love me now
is the hardest, most painful part.
Isn’t that punishment enough,
if you leave me in the end – isn’t that going too far?
A cruelty I deserve to feel.

Forgiveness

All of the charcoal memories
(burned black into our skin),
We wiped them off long ago –
so why ponder what is no longer there?
The forgiveness we said lasts,
an eternal trust then is built.
Leave alone what has happened,
ashes drift easily with the passing wind.

With the memories brushed on by,
what have I left to talk about with you
In order of improvement, that is?

I sit here idly, kneeling down
in front of you bringing your needs,
Flaunting your desires and dreams.
Kindness and compassion builds us,
but it is not very mutual at all –
your short remarks ring in my eardrums.

As I treat you like the King you are,
I am as such but a servant swatted.
What did I do to deserve this?
All humans make mistakes and we
have forgiven each other of our –
equally blackened marks.
Still I am acted upon as if dirtied,
ruined by a shade so dark.

It would not be so bad,
if the world around me were not the same.
Cast out because of my mind –
its workings unknown and unwanted
for they are foreign and unusual.
Considered a freak for what is natural to me,
and even though your unoften, uneven
words say otherwise –
I can tell that you mean different.
Your scared and unaccepting,
or at least that’s how I feel
Trapped here, I am, drowning in this pool
of ostrasization because of my differences
And it hurts me to know your amongst the others.

Show me otherwise, it is a dare.
I challenge you to sound like you care,
just because you’re ruining your life –
(even though I am trying my hardest,
to piece it back together for and with you) –
does that really mean you get to treat mine,
as if it is the reason for your hell?
We put ourselves in these situations,
I am the other trying to help you out
but I am wounded for the compassionate gestures,
For the caring you said you loved so much.

I want you to accept and appreciate
the largest part of who I am,
The blood that drips from my skin
represents the thoughts underneath it.

I told you my over-compassionate nature did me more bad than good.
Look at how it’s made you treat me…
like you can walk all over me because I will forgive and forget in the end.