Metamorphasis

I thought that this was always what it was supposed to be;
going through life, plowing through days mornin’ till night.
But just then I hadn’t realized, how much more there really is,
Or that you could find something more than just this feeling
of nothing and everything, proded down all at once.

For I had accepted the way I was told I had to be,
that’s right you won, and I listened without questioning.
Of course when it’s just too late, the show’s over,
I’ve noticed that there are a few missing souls around me-
‘Cause they must’ve figured it out, when I couldn’t see.

Now as the water runs clear, clearer than blood they say,
I can see a reflection, of the woman I want to be.
But want blown away with the wind, my crudentials aren’t adding up,
I’ve spent my whole life till now, looking directly into the sun
so now that I’ve got a glimpse of darkness, I don’t know what to do with it.

Reflective

I stand here separated
a mirror reflecting dutifully
Sharing its cruel image.
It shows what I’m not used to;
these strange appendages,
paper white skin
polluted purple scars.
Freckles and blemishes map
their way around my body.

I do not find myself ugly,
but when I look at myself
For some reason I can’t bear it –
and tears seem to flood my eyes.

Cursed with the body of a 12 year-old,
a mind too sharp to care about it,
but emotions too true to ignore it.

Kerouac Reflected

Deep within a limitless solitude,
the mind quickens where the body cannot
As perceived by those without eyes.
I will redefine these walls,
strewn up around me,
create a defeated personality,
to hinder to desires.
How do you expect God to hear your cries,
when you ignore the others?

To feel endlessly alone,
locked simply in this stanza
Words crawl over my eyes
that the light refuses to bear.

Why does society always constitute,
loneliness with sadness?
I am but in solitude,
slipping between cracks just to escape
But I am never truly alone
because those who love me
are always in my heart.

jagged walls find me here,
planks of rusted nail.
Cool blue painted over to calm this thrashing soul.
I just want to get away from it all
because loneliness brings true conception

so I bleed to escape
a crimson thick of life dries
ideally on my bed sheets
bleed to tranquilize the body
and smoke to get back at salvation.
Life is not empty,
like the company I keep,
but defiled and deceptive
to devote this time to repose.
Outside of this loneliness is the great
feeling of contamination

so to cut is to ripple the substantialality of existence.

Your putting yourself through a cycle of decay,
stop
think
reflect
you will become so sensitive
– everything will be a big event
Reality has lost itself again,
within this wall of solitude
it feels like a greed of ego has ended
—in these halls.
It’s funny;
I would ask you to join me,
but the Wheel
keeps turning.